Statement of Betrayal

http://www.blacksunjournal.com/psychology/18_betrayal-part-1-of-3-by-james-hillman_2001.html

You betrayed me, John. It was the ultimate betrayal. You intentionally withheld the love and support that I had come to rely upon - the way God abandoned Jesus to the cross. You were intentionally brutal. You intentionally sacrificed me, just like in that well know story from the Bible.

I don't believe in the supernatural element of these stories as real, but I do believe in the power of the stories to express the human condition.

Like Jesus trusting in God, I trusted that:

• You wouldn't hurt me.
• If you did hurt me, you would be regretful and soothe me and work to fix the hurt.
• If you left, you would come back.
• You would be there for me.
• You would work with me through anything.
• You would hold me through the struggles.
• You would trust me to work my way back to you when I was hurt.
• Deep down in your core, you loved me.

That trust was betrayed.

I should have known better. I knew from the very beginning that you had a long history of playing God - building people up to trust you then betraying them. The girl you got pictures from.... The woman you toyed with before you met me.... Building Jeff and Matt up as your friends then stabbing them in the back with judgmental accusations of homosexuality.... (They were both very hurt by that.) Many, many other instances.... And you betrayed me many times throughout our relationship.... Just never as badly as this....

But are you God or are you just playing at being God? God's intentional betrayal of Jesus was so that he could experience what is was to be human, to experience the cycle of love, betrayal, and forgiveness. Why did you betray me, John? Was it because you love me or was it because you wanted for yourself?

Did you put issues before character, principles, and values?
Did you think that getting a job and an education and having freedom from a relationship (issues) were more important than living a life based on character, principles, and values? Did you think that your age and "stage in life" (an issue) prevents you from living a life based on character, principles, and values? Did you use reason to substantiate your loss of integrity with me?

It's best that you continue to play God. I don't want you to reach out and lift me up. I want to be on my own for now and learn to resurrect myself. I want to find that strength. Once I do, I'll be open to forgiving you for the betrayal. But that forgiveness will be much harder for me to find if you don't acknowledge me, if you don't fully look at and acknowledge what you've done, if you continue to deny what we once shared, be cynical about it, and alienate yourself from it to protect yourself from being hurt again.

Please.... fully recognize me so that we can both move on. I'll do the same for you. I'll work to fully acknowledge the many ways that I betrayed your trust. Please.... Talk with me. We'll both remain trapped in this relationship of betrayer and betrayed if we don't open the door to talk with one another deeply about our experiences.

We wouldn't be trying to go back to what we had. We can never have that again. Our Eden is gone forever. But we can work toward forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, and new life.